So, I’ve really noticed a significant change in my husband within the last month. When we first started going together he said, “I shouldn’t have to try in a relationship. It should just happen.” And it really fucked me up, like who tf doesn’t try?! How does that even make sense…… but over time I learned what he meant. We have gone through some sh******t over the last two years, but truly every single fight, heartbreak, slammed door, and nights alone got us to where we are now.
On the way home from a New Year’s Eve party, we got into a bicker, I say that because it wasn’t really a fight but it was fight.
He had mentioned to a friend that he was starting paternity leave Feb 1 and I immediately got on edge. So, I texted him what I had to say, but said not to read it until the party was over. So I let it go, because realistically it wasn’t worth the dispute at 11:50 on NYE. Anyway, as we’re driving home he brings it up.
He explains to me that this is the best way it would work for him to ensure that he was present for the birth, which is something I’ve been utterly afraid he would miss since we found out. (See, he goes on a week long work trip every three weeks). Anyway, on the ride home he explains that he’s taking his last trip, then taking time off before the baby is due to make sure he’s home. He then explains to me that he has plenty of vacation days saved up to make sure that he can stay home with me and our baby while we’re adjusting to the new life. He had everything worked out. He had everything planned. He had everything figured out, and all of it just to make it easier on me, and to make me not have to worry about him missing the birth of our first child.
MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SHOW EMOTIONS, y’all. But this man was on the edge of crying, I could hear it in his voice as we drove through the lightless night. He said “what do you want from me? I’m trying to be better and do good for you, so what do you want me to do?” And it was a pretty huge wake up call. Those few words made me see what I had been blind to for the last…. long while.
He’s been trying. All this time later, and he’s really trying.
I mean, we have our issues, but life has been pretty great since I got back from deployment. But, it’s still so astonishing that even during a high in our relationship, he’s still trying so much for us.
So, to add:
Today, I noticed some little things to add to my gratitude list.
When he asked if we could get lunch I told him I was having a bad day. When we got to lunch, he talked with me about it. Small complaints about the pregnancy, my coworkers, etc, and he didn’t say anything except that he was sorry. And I genuinely felt that he was empathetic. Usually he says it, and I feel like he has more to say about why I shouldn’t complain and that there isn’t that much to complain about, but he genuinely seemed sorry. (To add he might not think those things but that’s what my brain tells me he’s thinking because you know anxiety).
But then, we had our 32 week baby appointment, and when I was getting out of my car I noticed I didn’t have my military ID, which you need to sign into the front desk. Anyway, we’re almost to the door when I notice, and I say “oh crap baby, I forgot my ID in the car, I’ll be right back” and before I could turn around he said “no baby I’ll get it”.
Oh annddd, he got home after me because he went to pick up water for our dispenser, and HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS. JUST-FREAKING-CAUSE FLOWERS. and he got me socks, I’m assuming from PetSmart, with a dachshund and a domestic shorthair on them (aka Todd and Jasper). So now I have our pets on socks, which I have been looking for every single time we go to PetSmart.
And this man did some laundry without me even reminding him…. which made me almost tear up.
T R Y I N G. but you know what? He probably doesn’t feel like he’s even trying, which was his whole point 2 years ago.
I’m seriously so frickin’ blessed.
Mom-taño 
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